Thank you. I’ve always had a problem with that “consent is sexy” shit — you do it because it’s consent, not cs it’s a turn-on.
this is a very good point!
THANK THE LORD someone finally said this.
i was feeling really put off a while back when all that queer consent-porn was floating around and everyone was spewing ~zomg it’s sooooo sexy ima watch it a billion moar times!~, and wasn’t aroused in the slightest. i figured there was something seriously, deviously, wrong with me, that i wasn’t turned on by what i know without a doubt to be the correct way to engage in a sexual act, that i didn’t find their repetitive questioning super erotic, that i wanted to shut the damn thing off and go get off to something that in the real world would horrify me.
i’ve thought about it since and, well, consent isn’t all that sexy, and i’m ok with that. i’m not going to run all around and pretend i really dig fapping to people muddling through awkward pauses and refusing each other certain levels of intimacy, because i don’t. when i fantasize about sex, i don’t think about asking for consent at every turn, just as when i think about going on a long drive, i don’t think fondly about all the stop signs i’ll encounter. consent is important because it establishes mutual respect and helps ensure the safety of people who are engaged in intimate activity with one another, in the same way that stop signs exist to safely structure the way we share the road. i don’t know anyone who would describe asking for consent or stopping at a stop sign as particularly ”fun”, and i’m sure many of us have felt the desire to just speed ahead in either situation. but neither sex nor driving on a shared road is a singular activity, and thus each requires both parties to acknowledge, respect, and give a wide berth to one another. not everything we do has to be ‘sexy’ or ‘fun’, and that’s just fine. not everything we do is for our own benefit, sometimes, it’s for others.
also, just as an aside; don’t think for a moment the consequences of failing to stop at a stop sign are any worse than what can happen to your sexual partner[s] when you fail to get consent from them, both fuck people up, and both can be prevented.